The concensus is in from the recent foray to Fort Lauderdale. I didn't have the great time I anticipated. The ocean is still wonderful and alive and on the surface there is no evidence of the damage we have been doing to it; its infinite colours and forms always delights me and soothes my soul. There are subtle changes to the people and to the place. Latin culture reigns supreme. 50/50 Jewish/Latin. Anything else is a minority. The Quebecois are there in full throng but to me they are invisible; they open their mouths and out comes the soft "d" that represents "the" and I am gone, gone. I can't bear to hear them butcher English. Nice, eh? The Latinas are another story; if you hang out a little you'll come to think that there is nothing going on in any of their heads that doesn't involve their nails or tits. Florida resembles a country under seige. It made me feel kind of what I would feel should I walk down the street in Leningrad about 50 years ago; the suspicion, the depression, the hopelessness permeates everything. The old people are not merely old; they appear destitute when you get away from the grand hotels and Gulfstream. An old guy outside the Speedy laundromat just yesterday, gray ponytail pulled back wearing army surplus flak jacket and shorts was old, hunched, fumbling in his backpack; I sensed the slow onset of Alzheimers. Once he was a hippy living on the beach and now he's fumbling among his plastic bags. There are lots of weather beaten street people many of them appear to be my age. Two weeks of Oprah, Dr. Phil, Lance Armstrong and the Jody Arias trial has rendered me angry, touchy and wanting desperately to be alone. Dialogue in two back to back Jennifer Lopez movies: "I was trying to take a piss" (Congressman played by Ralph Fiennes)and "He could be a total douche-bag which renders the whole thing moot" an older woman says to Zoe in The Back up Plan. Who writes this crap and why is it passed off as romantic comedy? Am I being mean if I say JLo is a crappy actress? That I hate her Latina inspired accent. Shouldn't really good actresses be able to grow out of, transform their acquired- at- birth accents?

someone asked me why i went to florida alone, why wasn't i hooked up with someone in florida. truth be told i expect so much from everyone that i honestly don't expect anyone to achieve my high standards of behaviour. but that's not really it. that's not really the truth. the truth is i'm deeply romantic and live in a hidden world of romance and beauty and i simply can't handle it when the world comes crashing in with all its mundane blandness. i really do want to love someone and have someone love me unequivocally back but geez with that love i want valour and romance and dash and fire without drama and negativity. king arthur, lancelot du lac rolled into one. i thought of Elizabeth I and saw a portrait of her with red hair. not particularly attractive but by all acounts passionate and brilliant and i thought hell she reminds me of me. and wouldn't you know it- the bitch was born on Sept 7 and she was a Virgo.